This was something my parents also used to tell me when I was about six years old. I remember telling them at the time that I was only too happy for them to send any leftovers to the poor children of Biafra, if that’s what they wanted. Even then I had a charitable and selfless streak about me.
Anyway, since those ill-tempered postings were made I have received a number of emails purporting to be from impoverished children from the Dark Continent begging me not to call DHL to arrange for my leftovers (can you call them leftovers if you haven’t touched them?) to be sent to them. It appears that Crofter’s Hotpot is universally despised, even by the hungry and starving.
Some other posters have been telling me that I am a spoilt little shit for not liking my food and that there are homeless people on the streets of this country who would be extremely happy to eat my lunch.
Well, I’m not too sure about this claim because in my career as a journalist I’ve done a fair bit of research on hunger amongst the homeless and my experiences point to the contrary. While I found homeless people to be universally thirsty, I often received impolite rebuffs when the matter of food came up. I can remember one conversation in particular…
“Got any spare change, guv?”
“Sorry,” I replied. “What do you need it for?”
“Cup a tea and a hot meal. I haven’t eaten for two days.”
“Well I don’t have any cash but I do have a credit card. Why don’t you come with me and we’ll pop into Prêt à Manger and I’ll get you a nice sandwich and a cup of coffee? How does that sound?”
“Fuck off! Tosser,” the man snarled while menacingly loosening the string that was holding the mangy dog sitting next to him. “Give me cash or piss off!”
Now call me unsympathetic but that sort of talk strikes me as being a tad ungrateful. I even had a suspicion that the vagabond may have wanted my money for alcohol or even drugs!
From that day on I’ve always been a bit suspicious when anyone lectures me on my good fortune and lack of charity. But just in case anyone is genuinely in need of some mushroom stroganoff and would like me to send it to them, drop me a line on the blog and I’ll see if I can sort something out. The postage will probably be a bit steep on account of the weight, but if it helps relieve genuine hunger then I’m happy to pay.