oops theres a clue where your at!!hide the menu card traction man!
i give it a 2 out of 5The carrot slices look like they've been "cooked"a whopping 10 secondsand the potato wedges look like they been baked a minute.And what's the stuff next to the coathanger..??XoXoKarin(word: bulsiped)
Surely it didn't arrive with the corner already eaten??????
Thanks, Wooffa! Phew...
Yes, the corner was already eaten. I always photograph before tucking in... or should that be throwing up?
Lovely. At least it wasn't glued together with plastic cheese like mine was today. See http://twitter.com/deniswalker for my hospital meals. Not very anonymous, so I might as well go the whole hog - I'm at Southend Hospital and the "food" is being supplied by Steamplicity.
I was beginning to think you had got some other poor sod to sample the food before you eat it (and who actually enjoyed the pie/quiche thing).
It looks like some bright catering assistant decided to recycle an egg box lid to cook whatever in Hell the main course is... cheese and broccoli pie? Or 'Fish Surprise'? Chips look pretty limp and greasy - fat not hot enough and poor quality spuds as well. They really will be sending you home as malnourished as a pensioner.
We had that in our hospital staff canteen Friday so it's now obvious that hospitals send their leftovers to other hospitals! We didn't know what it was either.............At least we get the option to take sandwiches to work, you poor sod. BTW, that would cost £3.75 to staff so now you also know why there was so much leftover.
Can you say which hospital and caterer?
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear... perhaps the corner wasn't actually eaten, perhaps it just fell off as it was being 'spatula'd' lovingly onto your plate; at least it wasn't picked up a less than squeaky-clean floor and dumped back on.Poor you - any chance you can get another one of those lovely bagels?
The broccoli froze as it was exposed to the light. "A few moments more" it thought "and I would have made it off the plate"
And as for marks for presentation, a lowly 1.
I have a bagel arriving on Thursday.
The Hammersmith jury gives this minus 2.0 points for presentation, 0.5 for content.I would give them points for a half-way decent combination. A protein (quiche), vegetable (carrots) and starch (chips). They don't get that most meals.
Err, just a moment ... you mean two thirds of the quiche had been EATEN before you got it?Isn't that a health hazard??? Eaten by what????
I don't want you to leave hospital - your blog is so much fun - for us that is!
I can honestly say that I flinched when I saw this.Poor you.I hate quiche - congealed, wet and slimey with pastry paper plate base.URGH.Presenation 1/10Yummy Factor 0/10
If I'm identified then they'll probably throw me out. It's amazing that the media hasn't tried to hunt me down.
A sight guaranteed to help me diet. Not sure I can face the thought of eating for an hours or so after seeing this.
Zorro might be on the case ! ;o)Lansdowner
Man... you eat better than I do... And I'm not in an hospital, my house... You should be grateful.
That's a 'Norwege nul point' if ever I saw one. A total disgrace.
Naa... I give it a 1...
Do you want me to post it to you, Moron?
What is it with all the oranges and yellows? - same colours as your lunch, the so called stroganoff, pasta and of course that transparent gloopy stuff that masquerades as custard (according to your menu). That pastry looks like some kind of sandstone cement, probably tastes like it too! Presentation? Sorry only a one I'm afraid.Can't wait for tomorrows offering.Take care, Linda Tenerife
Is it a Picasso?
are you sure your in the hospital and not prison?looks to me like you are being punished for being a bad boy.rhonda
Just found an article on your blog in an Italian newspaper:http://www.repubblica.it/2009/09/sezioni/esteri/mensa-ospedale/mensa-ospedale/mensa-ospedale.htmlItaly, the cradle of good cuisine you might think...Too bad I'm stuck in Belgium, and have to eat most of my lunches in a canteen which must be run by the same people who prepare the food at your hospital... Seriously, I've seen that before! I couldn't empathise with you moreTake care
What the hell is the thing with the missing corner supposed to be. Looks bloody awful!!. Talking to a nurse i know, she said if the food is cold, the trick is to get nearer to the end where they wheel the trolly in, but as you are trapped in bed i guess this won't help. I have 4 nurses in the family and they are all of the same opinion as you of the food!.DP
Surely the container that meal was cooked in should have been put in the recycle bin before it was served to you. Get well and out of hospital soon, but thank you for this blog.
It looks like a boomerang covered in puke - I guess that's why this meal will just keep coming back if you do not eat it - and if you do eat it it will still come back - get the vomit bowl ready
I was in hospital for a grand 4 nights 5 days and can see a recurring bad dream in the dinners you are showing us! All be it one day when I ordered my lunch and then come 3 o'clock some one came to take my plate away and went mental cos I must have been hiding it! Was bed bound at this time!!Mayb the NHS should offer a weeks stay in hospital to combated the obesity rate in the UK?
What would happen Action Man if, when those slops were presented to you, you said 'You've got to be fkn joking...' - if you created a stink I mean.Get well soon.
Hey Traction ManCould your wife bring you some vitamin + mineral tablets? At least you'd get some guaranteed nutrition that way...Get well soon.
Marks for presentation? Marks for someone hurling the quiche at the plate from the other side of the room and most of it landing where it is, more like. (A tortured sentence but I'm all of a dither, seeing that pile of crud.)Still no sauces or gravy. What's the matter - are the water supplies down south being guarded by armed militia or something - I can't think of any reason to explain why the caterers can't make something to help the chunks of what-ever-it-is slide down the gullet. Although, they appear to have enough water to boil sprouts to slush so the excuse must be something else. Perhaps they've run out of brown powder to make gravy with, or maybe an extra £00.000000000058364538463747864 per plate for a spoonful of gravy tipped the scale over the obligatory £00.000000005 per patient per meal.OK since you asked. 0/10 presentation. 2/10 for creative interpretation (of what, I'm not quite sure).Bet you're looking forward to your bagel.(word is GASEE .. yeah I know. Sense of humour or what ..)
Looks like something that has been dug up from an archialogical dig and some life form burst out of it. The chips look like they are raw on the inside and the carrots look like they are raw too, you poor man..!!Ness..xx
Sodexho, Broccoli quiche Chips and carrots.
Vitamins to hand. Hopefully will fend of scurvy.
I DARE them to bring you a plate without potato. BRING IT ON, CANTEEN.
Not Sodexho... Worse!
It may interest you to know that the NHS, rather than cooking up edible meals, is employing a 'play specialist' in a hospital not too far from you.That play specialist blew bubbles while my son was getting cream rubbed on his chest by a nurse. No kidding.I think I can entertain my child adequately without the need for a bubble blower! And if anyone can't, there's bubble-blowing machines available in Argos for dirt cheap.Anyone know how much these charlatans get paid?The time I needed the play specialist was when he was in a ward, bored out of his mind and in pain - not for a five-minute appointment.How much would her £20k a year or whatever add to the meals, I wonder? Probably quite a lot...Keep it up TM! Enjoy those bagel dreams.
No Traction Man I can't say exactly which hospital but we are in the south east of England, next stop France and the "caterers" are Medirest. To be fair to the chef the food is that airline muck that comes in big trays and is microwaved to death before being placed under those hotlamp thingies. When the chefs ( notice the plural there) used to cook from scratch the meals were fairly good and the staff canteen was always full. I do hope that the hospital manager is not reading this, although on second thoughts maybe she should!
Hello, I feel sorry for your plight! I found out about your blog here:http://www.repubblica.it/2009/09/sezioni/esteri/mensa-ospedale/mensa-ospedale/mensa-ospedale.html?ref=hpspr1So it seems the ancient prejudice against English cuisine stems from experiences with hospital food?! Do you think porridge might be an option - I should hope it cannot be badly cooked; but then on the other hand maybe you do not like porridge? I'd like to send you some treats from Austria like the famous Zotter chocolates or something, would that be possible? Best wishes for a thorough recoverey!! Barbara
Thank you, Barbara. That's very kind. At the moment I need to eat fresh raw protein. The hospital is now organising a dietician. Let's hope they can help. However, this is a global problem and more needs to be done to force doctors and hospitals to take nutrition seriously. If we all do our bit locally we might make a difference.
The thing is, we shouldn't NEED to 'do our bit' as decent, tasty, properly cooked, nutritious food is simple common sense, especially for someone in hospital.Unfortunately in these selfish, greedy, badly organised times it seems that common sense has been pushed way down the ladder.I do hope that this 'campaign' becomes a lot higher profile and that the idiots in charge do something extremely positive about vastly improving the terribly shoddy hospital food.
Way back when I was Traction Girl one of the highlights of my prolonged stay was constipation... not the easiest thing to sort out when bed-ridden. I hope your bedside call-bell works should a supposed ository be required..
Hello Traction Man!Although I think others are prob. right that the mystery meal is a half-eaten quiche, it looks an awful lot like a dish from my childhood called (I swear) Chicken Divan. C.D. was a classic of the 1970's scary-American-casserole genre. Perhaps the recipe has escaped whatever bunker it was in over here, and is now invading canteens in the UK. Best of luck!Elizabeth
Did my eyes deceive me or was your picture - with the eyes blurred - on this blog last night ?????
I did put a pic up for a bit but thought it a bit risky. Still trying to keep my head down so I can report more freely.
If you are in the South East then I can come and bring food. (I would not breathe a word of it to anyone else)I do a really good fish and pilau rice...
I'm south and west. Such a kind offer. So many of you have been so supportive. I didn't realise there were still so many decent human beings. Things are tough right now as I'm trying to keep my head down until I can make contact with someone who can really do something about this. The next ten days are going to be interesting. More news on Wednesday.
Well at least I am not seeing things ! love the blog. The only time I have experienced hospital food I just ticked lots of boxes on the "menu" cause I couldn't decide what I fancied and it was all served on different plates ! potatoes, bread, veg, some sort of meat etc - I ended up with 7 plates of "food" That taught me - only ticked one box the next day.
Dear Mr Traction,I recommend you read "House of God" by Samuel Shem and "Bedside Stories" by Michael Foxton.You'll then understand the truth about the delivery of medical care. Trust me I know, I'm on your opposing side - I'm a doctor. Hang in there, you can win this battle. Not the war though, the hospital always wins the war - like a casino....
you know something? even if this food looks bad you should try the food in my country, Peru. The hospital food here is horrible but i send you my condolences and i want to say that english is not my first language so i hope the grammar is good :D
Gods, you poor bastard, this stuff looks horrible. My Dad was in the VA medical Center (we live in the US), and the food there was pretty much like yours. When my mom was in a regular hpsital, I would help her order from a lovely menu. The food was like something you'd get from a htel! Very nice. Don't you have someone to bring you a stinkin' ham sandwich or something once a day?
Ughh, a good place to lose weight :P sorry, I'm from Australia after reading an article news about your blog a couple days ago, your link has been bookmarked to read everyday... During a week in hospital after given birth, I didn't touch any of the hospital food other than breakfast's oats.. luckily I had my husband to bring me food everyday and he'll eat if anything was edible which (wasn't) and we had to figure out answers to the question "whats wrong with the food?" each time they collect the trays.. Something I always wonder do they ask you why you didn't finish your meal or even touch it when collecting your tray?
The "pie" or "quiche" seems so hard that it looked like the server had a hard time wrenching it off the pan and onto your plate. Oh dear. I would rather eat tissues by the bedside...
where's that clever little canteen-overhauling boffin jamie oliver, when ones needs him? off chasing chubbed-up school kiddies and britian's fattest towns all the name of hysterical ratings chasing.surely your plight will be well-received by his publicity department, mr traction?best get cracking on the email darls, the chances of an over-developed gag reflex depends on it.
Bottom right "thing" kinda looks like a map of Australia - but we're much better looking than that.
Oooh that's just nasty.
You are so going to get your Patientline pulled out of the wall if they find you, Traction Man. And probably your leg pulley as well. I laughed until I cried at this blog; it reminds me so much of seventies school food. Have you ever been on the 'Cakewrecks' site? http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
Good grief! I find more palatable-looking objects on my lawn when I'm cleaning up after the dogs.Do they ever give you any fruit?
We get the occasional banana.
Yuck. I think I'll run a sidebar about your blog in our news service, which is business information for the Scandinavian food industry. A question to you though: Don't you ever get any greens? The stuff you're displaying certainly doesn't seem to help anyone get well any quicker!! Have they never heard of vitamines??
We get peas. They're green. Mostly though it's swede (so cheap and so disgusting), sweetcorn for a treat and grilled tomato. Yet to see any cabbage, cauliflower or other greenery that hasn't been tampered with or had every last nutrient boiled out of it.
Nooooo Traction Man, thats the worst one yet.Moira (Canada )
Hmmmmm, very nice of them to give you a mouth scraper......Jill, Belfast
I have to say hospital food here in the basque country (I have only been 3-4 times plus once as a long-term visitor) and the food is not bad. Visited a friend the other day who was eating a hot leek soup with bonito steak in tomato sauce for 2nd course. Didn't stay to see what was the desert (as it seemed to come all in individually sealed plates).Wouldn't have minded that lunch myself!Your food looks worse than what we got at my students hall of residence 25 years ago, and that takes some beating!
non so dire se la cosa più inquietante è la porzione di quiche mezza disintegrata o le patate albine. Povero TM, resisti!
I have employed a food taster for you to ensure the catering staff don't try to off you for criticising their cuisine! Hence the bite. Nicole
I was in Toulouse hospital for 10 days last year and had bouillon with alphabet letters every day for 6 days - disgusting but at least I could use the letters to leave my comments at the bottom of the plastic bowl. How's about trying the childrens menu and asking for alphabetti spaghetti TM? Just a thought. Best wishes from the south west of france
Good luck traction man!! Looks like you're going to need it. I remember taking care packages to my friend when she was in the old maternity hospital in Edinburgh, it was a nightly occurrence, sandwiches, juice, crisps, fresh salads - in the absence of that, she'd order in!! Think the staff just accepted the inevitable.... people need food to survive & prevent madness setting in - and what they were serving was like you, a nightly game of guessing the origin. Perhaps you should give your local takeaway a call?? :o) That or we could start sending in food parcels - has anyone considered contacting the red cross?? Wishing you a speedy (!) recovery from Scotland! xox
Greetings Traction Man, have just spent 4 weeks in am unnamed London Hospital having a stem cell transplant. Oh the joy when I saw your 'photos, I thought I was the only poor sod eating regurgitated pet food. Keep the faith my friend & contact the Red Cross, see if food parcels are still available!!
TM, are you winding us up? Did it really come like that? BTW I'm organising a food parcel for you from the food hall of "le Bon Marché" in Paris. What do you fancy? Foie gras? Truffles? Pastries? You might have to share it with Nurse Ratchett or she's liable to out you. Then your food really would be "crook". I'd be worried about Chef spitting in it or something. You read Anthony Bourdain's book "Kitchen Confidential"? His next is called "Hospital Kitchen Confidential" and it's dedicated to you my son.
Hi, fellow journalist here again, with two more questions:* Could we use any of the pictures from your blog in our article?* Would you be willing to disclose your true identity to us?* Could you give us some info on how you ended up in hospital?I'll be writing this during the day, probably as a short feature article rather than a sidebar. Please get back to me at firstname.lastname@example.orgThanks in advance and best of luck!
The blurb for "Traction Man is Here" childrens book - "With an action outfit for every occasion, Traction Man patrols the house. Whether he is saving toys (in latex space suit and Perspex helmet, teamed with Rocket Boots); searching the sink for the lost wreck of the sieve (in sub-aqua suit, fluorescent flippers and infra-red mask) or rescuing damsels in distress (in jungle pants, camouflage vest and a bandanna), Traction Man is never less than stylishly turned out and expertly accessorised. He is the last word in heroic fashion flair - until, that is, the day that he is presented with an all-in-one knitted green romper suit and matching bonnet by his owner's granny. Can Traction Man overcome the humiliation of his desperately dowdy new look and rediscover the action hero within or will the burden of the knitted green monstrosity be too great?"To paraphrase that: "Can Traction Man overcome the humiliation of his crap hospital food and rediscover the action hero within or will the burden of the daily muck be too great?"
In defence of quiche, it should be served still warm, light and fluffy - say about 20 minutes out of the oven. The pastry should also be light and crumbly. Like Mushroom Risotto, it's one of my key-note recipes! It should NOT look as though it has been sitting around for a week getting more and more leathery, the pastry should NOT look like a Macdonald's carton and it should NOT look like the mice have been at it. How much longer can the caterering company go on serving stuff like this and having the world - except for a few, humourless, self-satisfied nutters who think Traction Man is whinging - deploring this appalling display of mis-management. And if they don't care, does that mean they've got a contract with the government that's watertight? And if so, how come?
If you are in Gloucestershire I can make it over next week Im mobile you know.Just say the words. I know its not easy being on painkillers, dopers, etc, House of God is a really good book, You will find out about gomers, neurological heights, side walls on beds and fubar bundy, I read it as a houseofficer and even to this day it is a fabulous book.I bought some stoneground wholemeal bread recently It is manna from heaven ( proper stoneground organic flour) and organically made.I made a lovely blackberry jelly ( the kitchen knows it too)There are good people in the world M but we need to get to gether.
I have a dog who eats (read as inhales) just about anything, pretty sure he'd run off yelping at the sight of some of these meals...mind you Aussie hospital food really is worse.