The last refuge of a scoundrel

“Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel,” Dr Samuel Johnson famously said. I was reminded of this when I heard that Andy ‘Max Factor’ Burnham, the Secretary of State for Health, had accused Daniel Hannan MEP of being unpatriotic for criticising the NHS. Hannan simply said he didn’t think that the NHS was a very good way of delivering healthcare.

Well, whatever your view on that is, I think opposition politicians are still entitled to express personal views without one of Gordon Brown’s boot boys jumping down their throat.

Now it’s probably fair to say that Burnham isn’t the sharpest implement in the Gordon Brown’s Cabinet toolbox, but he has managed to go quite a long way in a fairly short space of time. Perhaps his rapid promotion has something to do with his clever use of mascara and eyeliner whenever he appears on TV. The panda-eyed pillock with his fluttering lashes cuts no ice with me and his most recent utterances on the NHS appear to border on sheer lunacy.

Burnham's latest foot-in-mouth pronouncement is to suggest that the NHS could be improved if only patients and staff were to cheer up a bit. The man’s a genius! With NHS staff facing job cuts of around 137,000 posts and patients living in fear of contracting MRSA and Clostridium Difficile, this clown says all we have to do is put on a happy face, tell a few jokes and all will be well. How stupid can one man be? I know he’s a politician and that stupidity is a fundamental qualification for the job, but this really does take absurdity to a new level.

Oh how I wish the silly little sixth former could spend a few weeks in the care of his beloved NHS. Let’s see how he fancies a spell in a mixed sex ward. Let’s see how he copes after a week’s sleep deprivation because the geriatric patients around him are screaming in their sleep and ringing their bells every five minutes so a nurse can come and deal with their incontinence. Let’s see how little Andy finds the catering compared with the heavily subsidised foie gras and Veuve Cliquot that he currently enjoys in the House of Commons dining room. Let’s see how Andy could manage on the salary of a health care assistant, wiping old people’s bottoms for the minimum wage.

Sorry if I sound bitter and angry; please forgive me. I just get a little irate as I sit here listening to a complete ****hole talking out of his backside while I’m trying to get better with the odds stacked against me thanks to his government’s mismanagement of the NHS.

Rant over!