Saturday, 19 September 2009

Should I repair my shoes with it or eat it?


About a size 9, I think.

58 comments:

  1. It can't be real surely!!......has it been run over or stuck to a trolley wheel perhaps? Great blog hope they let you out soon...before you starve!!

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  2. Hi, We never get to see your puddings, please post some pudding pics soon! Loving the blog BTW.

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  3. More like a nappy me thinks - pantie liners should not look that colour - Yuck!!

    Ax

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  4. @Danish Girl
    I tend not to show the pudding because they all look the same. Tonight I ordered a fruit jelly. I'm not kidding when I tell you I couldn't eat it without a straw. It was totally liquid by the time it reached me. Is gelatine that expensive?

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  5. At least you now have a chamois leather to clean the window with...

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  6. If that is as cold and congealed as it looks, URGH...

    Assuming that is an omelette - I'd be hard pressed to think of a dish less suited to being included on an industrial catering menu.

    What is it with the lack of fresh/uncooked vegetables?

    Nursery food or only slop suitable for those with no teeth seems to be the benchmark. I endured better school dinners in the 1970s - and that is something I never thought I'd say.

    Keep thinking of the salmon bagel...

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  7. There was a salad but I didn't photograph it in case any children looked at the site.

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  8. Or is that burnt pensioner from ward 2

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  9. Did you play frizbee with it out of the window?
    Perhaps not, you might have damaged the brick wall and then they would be chasing you for a compensation claim!
    Linda Tenerife x

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  10. Oh my god... I used to have a pair like that!! My mother bought them for me and I HATED them. Throw them out of the window AT ONCE. xx

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  11. That looks suspiciously like Windowcleaner's Rag with Extra Cheese. Is that a scared creature trying ti escape from the top? Looks like a rabbit. Anything's possible.

    And thanks for your care in removing the NHS salad. I don't think the NHS emergency network could have coped with the sudden rush of projectile vomiting.

    Thumbs up, Mr T. Per ardua etc ..

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  12. Henry North London said...
    What happened to Carry on Matron...

    It's over now. Thought I'd take it off as it was only a reminder.

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  13. Well at least it has some sort of filling! The hospital where I work serves something similar, but plain, luke warm and generally speaking, with gravy.

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  14. I don't think there was anything in it. Whatever gave you that idea?

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  15. It reminds me what I have every morning at school... The toasts are like charcoal, and the eggs look exactly on the picture. Not to mention, a community detention is followed, if you don't get out of bed and eat it.

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  16. Wish you get out of hell soon! ^_^

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  17. Mate, I just checked your site stats on Alexa. You have 430,891 sites linking in. That is serious networking. Whats next "Traction Man - the Movie"? Why don't you put some Google Adsense up?

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  18. I sure as heck do not want to see what emerges from that cocoon. I bet it is all diseased and quite vicious. You can make out bits of infection leaking out the sides already. Keep a fly swatter handy, just in case.

    Paula

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  19. Oh my Listen do you want out of there? Or are you enjoying the fame?

    Get some Vitamin D3 down you You can email me and I can help you get out of there in less time than the NHS can think possible. I can make those doctors think they are miracle workers.

    Would you like to know more?

    henrynorthlondon at googlemail.com

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  20. Yes and the icecream that becomes foam by the time it reaches you.

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  21. I work in the NHS and have been able to identify every meal, worrying, be assured we are also fed on that, and pay it.

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  22. It is obviously the NHS microwaved omlette! YUCK! I have endured enough of those in my time to recognise it anywhere! I did wonder where it went when I couldnt eat it last time I saw it!!!

    Have you found a decent take away that delivers yet??

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  23. Actually I recognise it. It is definitely the "omelette" that my wife and I enjoyed in an awful hotel in Italy in...um...I think it was 1992. Who'd have thought it would have travelled so far in only 17 short years?

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  24. @The Nurse

    I'm not that keen on takeaways except for proper pizza. I'm in hospital in a strange city about two hours from my home. I need to take advice. My other problem is financing takeaways as the bastards at the DWP are being very mean about helping me out during this illness. I'm drinking food supplements at the moment. They taste pretty disgusting but not half as bad as the food.

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  25. Just a horrid thought... do they do liposuction at your hospital? Do ask one of the nice nursies, because that thing purporting to be an omelette could easily be a slab of casually-folded saddle-bag recently removed from a chubby middle-aged thigh ...

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  26. PS - How do you manage to be awake at this hour? Don't they chemically cosh you with sleeping pills at 8.30pm any more?
    PPS - Excuse me for being terminally dim, but what do I have to do to cease being anonymous?

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  27. Food supplement drinks!! YUCK! A relative of mine had to have them and she gladly swapped them for a glass of white with me one day to the disgust of her carer!! LOL! I like to lead folk astray!
    The DWP are a bunch of complete idiots! Honestly!! If anyone needs financial help it is someone who has to stay in a hospital away from home!

    I have to do this but less than an hour's drive away with offspring and it is not easy! Supermarket salads is what I rely on! Much harder when your family are further away.

    I have been a nurse, a patient and a parent of a patient and none of it gets easier!

    Stay strong in the face of adversity. Keep blogging and I hope you can keep your anonimity. Theoretically the staff are bound by patient confidentiality but then the hospital is supposed to provide adequate nutrition!!

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  28. They don't cosh the younger ones until 10.30. To not be anonymous just create a google identity. There should be a button somewhere. Anyone else have more precise instructions?

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  29. The nurses have rumbled me but there all so nice they protect and shield me zealously. That's because I'm a good patient and behave myself and show gratitude. I also give them chocolate and cake.

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  30. Since it's now after 10.30, I expect you have now been chemically-coshed so sweet dreams. (When I was Traction Girl in 1982 I was fed Valium during the day to keep me vague and compliant and Mogadon at night to pole-axe me; I got in big trouble for insisting after 4 weeks that I didn't need the Valium ("It'll go down on your notes that you've refused drugs") and also for objecting to swallowing the nightly Mogadon which sent me into a 10 hours of nightmares from which I couldn't wake up.

    Hang in there, Traction Man and get the lovely Mrs to fetch you in another bagel!

    I'll see if I can create a Google identity.

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  31. Last time I saw one of those it was living in a pond. Obviously it found another one to breed with...

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  32. I wouldn't eat that unless I had taken antibiotics prophylactically to protect against salmonella - I think you can actually see the bacteria trying to escape at the lower edge of the 'omlette'. I have shown my 11 year old son the pictures of the 'food' they are serving you, and he did not complain about his tea tonight - I think he was scared I might be able to get my hands on your tea and give it to him instead of my cooking. I do hope you continue to blog when you are released from your incarceration. I used to be a nurse in theatres, and when i did my training, in the days before cook kill (should be chill, but I think kill is more accurate) the food patients ate seemed to be reasonable - we made toast in the morning in the kitchen and if we were lucky enought to set the fire alarms off, we would get the local fire brigade screetching to our assistance. Shame non of them bore any resemblance to those firemen on the calendars. I escaped from hospitals 6 years ago, and now work in the community - thanks goodness. Hope you manage to get a good night's sleep, drug free.

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  33. Ooh, yum!

    It's a Cornish pastie filled with Frday leftover stroganoff.

    binlid

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  34. Thank you for the entertaining blog. It was featured in www.theage.com.au our online newspaper today in Melbourne Australia. So sorry to hear you have to put up with such offerings being served every day but I'm glad you can keep a sense of humour :)

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  35. I would'nt touch as it looks like an escapee from a Damien Hurst workshop. Do they still make you do occupational therepy, because if so see if you preserve the offerings in plastic cubes and sell them on, you might just become more famous than mentioned artist, with no money worries.
    keep well

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  36. Oh dear, no filling. I was wondering if it was a pancake or an omelette. It looks stone cold and greasy. What is that white ooze coming out of the bottom? Some kind of congealed cheese? Gross...

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  37. Dear God, that omlette looks worse than a tescos microwave one!!. Hope you get well soon Traction man and get to eat some proper food!.

    Dark Prince

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  38. Mayb you could replace it with the fish in this one

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9SSOWORzw4

    (monty pythons fish dance)

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  39. Love the site :) Thanks for making me feel like quite an amazing cook after seeing some of the art pieces they are passing off as food over there :)

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  40. Not to start yet another UK versus Austraila contest, but in Australia they don't PLATE UP hospital food they THROW it UP! Nicole

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  41. OMG are they trying to kill you with the food? i thought hospitals were supposed to help you get better, not worse! i would die of starvation if i was there..

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  42. That 'omelet' looks so unappetising! I must congratulate you for resisting so long and complaining about this muck! Yes you've been featured in the NSW Australia papers and yes the food is just as revolting in hospitals here!

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  43. Good on you for raising awareness of how bad hospital food is, seemingly around the world. Its bloody funny but at the same time pretty tragic as I'm sure you'll agree. I have had the misfortune to stay in hospital a couple of times and a few years later still rant and rave about the slop that appears before you in a place where you are supposed to be getting better.
    I wonder if the catering application form asks applicants if they are able to cook, if the answer is absolutely not then they are in.
    The only meals I ate in hospital were each time I came out of surgery and I think they must put something in the anaesthetic that warps your brain so you will eat anything - my husband was particularly astounded to watch me tuck into some boiled/steamed/poached ? indecipherable fish after waking up.
    The whingers here who are criticising you for compaining are missing the point - as you say not only is the food hideous but it has a nutrition value of zero which is unforgivable in a supposed place of health. Was one of the pictures macaroni cheese and chips? Did that add constipation to your list of ailments?

    Lets hope Jamie Oliver picks this up as his new project - someone sure needs to. His school dinners show certainly proved that you can make decent food cheaply so money really isn't the issue here. Think a simple pasta and tomato sauce, risottos/pastas that all originated from the need to put leftovers together to form a family meal.

    Finally my profile picture is from the maternity ward in Sydney where I had my son. Can you guess what that it is - I can't 5 years later.

    Thanks again for being on my wavelength, wish you better quickly and if I could post some yummy food from Oz to you I would!

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  44. Mashed potato mixed veg boiled beyond buggery and some sort of pie.@Callum Malcolm

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  45. It might be a brandnew invention, foldable frisbees.

    Don't eat it! If it attacks. Hit it hard with some kind of "heavy argument".

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  46. Dear Mr Traction Man...when you make that trip to Australia, come on over to Perth and book yourself in for dinner at Star Anise... http://www.staraniserestaurant.com.au/recipes.html

    YOu deserve it
    Mich

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  47. A hospital stay of 3 weeks somewhere near Salzburg with a broken ankle in early 80's (after a misadventure walking down a mountain) was my introduction to gnocchi. I've never tried it again. When "salad" was on the menu & the other girls in the ward didn't want their shred of lettuce leaf & tomato sliver I'd whip over to their bedside in my "commode" chair (useful for showers & other things) & wolf it down before they realised their error.

    One of my favourite cooking books is "the CSIRO total wellbeing diet" that boasts "boost your health & vitality while losing weight". Your blog indicates you might like the food but not the other aspect.

    I wonder how you fight the flesh-eating bug when you don't appear to be eating or having anything appetising presented as edible food ! With luck the bug will be starved & leave.

    I wish you well. Great blog. I'm amazed you have the energy but good for the brain.

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  48. Quote :

    "You have 430,891 sites linking in."

    Now if every site donated just $5 you could buy the "cat"ering company and put everyone out of their misery. I would have said pound but I dont have that symbol on my keyboard :)

    Aussie Aussie Aussie

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  49. @Christine
    Yes a folded Frisbee. When it looks like a Frisbee and it smells and tastes like a Frisbee then it probably is a Frisbee

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  50. @Traction Man
    In Holland your blog has been made it to the newspapers, reporting that you have transitioned your daily food and illness struggle (I don't know which one is more serious) into a hilarious blog.

    I've taken a little peek; and yes it is funny (the blog that is).

    The anonymous comment on the rice and curry dish that it could have been a portrait of his grandma is classical.

    I wish you all the best and I hope your hospital days are coming to an end within the near future.

    Fethry Duck

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  51. It looks just like the fungi growing on the large oak tree down the lane from our house. I'll go and check to see if it's still there.

    I'm really enjoying your blog. It's unfortunate that our entertainment comes at such a cost to your tastebuds.

    Perish the thought that you will still be in at Christmas. If you are, perhaps we could club together to send a gourmet hamper your way.

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  52. Anyone spot the fly vomiting ??

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  53. What is it? Really, I mean that.

    Blogging you from America-I have never seen anything like that, save an over-cooked attempt at an omlette.

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  54. It is indeed an overcooked omelette.

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