Ed Balls, the UK Government’s resident embarrassing uncle, has been let out of the cupboard again. Despite holding down his full-time job as Children’s Secretary, Gordon Brown’s Siamese twin and all-round prick, Balls has still found time to create a website that teaches grandparents to be… grandparents.
At a cost of £60 million, the ridiculously named www.begrand.net is stuffed with patronising bollocks designed to bring grandparents round to the ways of the State. Consider some of these stunningly brilliant articles: Seven ways to be a grandfather, What to feed a pregnant woman, How to make teenagers eat their greens. For £60 million I would have expected a cure for cancer, not this condescending tosh. Come to think of it, wasn’t £60 million the amount of dodgy expenses trousered by MPs last year.
I particularly liked this little nugget from a discussion about what your grandchildren should call you: “Pretty much any noise your new grandchild makes can be claimed as the word for you, even if not in your own language. When your grandchild grunts 'Ugogo', that’s Zulu for Grandma, or ‘Thakur-da’, when it's Bengali for Grandad.”
However, the quote that managed to send a shiver down my spine was this one: “Grandparents often have strong and sometimes strange opinions”. Oh really? By this, I think Balls means that grandparents can often be possessed of common sense and non-PC points of view. Can’t have that now, can we? What’s the point of brainwashing them at school only to have the work undone when they see grandpa at the weekend?
No doubt the bug-eyed twerp thinks he can reprogram the nation’s elders and get them more ‘on message’ once they’ve read the wisdom contained on his silly but expensive little website. It never ceases to amaze me how Marxists genuinely believe propaganda can change people’s views if you ram it far enough down their throats for long enough.
Right… I’m off for a Buckfast and Vimto followed by a Cillit Bang chaser; I simply can’t stomach any more Balls.