Friday, 5 February 2010

A load of old cobbles!

It’s been a while since I handed out my prestigious ‘Prats of the Week Award’, but I’m pleased to say we have another winner. This time it’s the managers at Bideford’s post office. They have decided to make complete prats of themselves with the help of our dear old friend Elf & Safety.

Residents in a quaint cobbled street in Bideford have been told by the Post Office that their lane is too dangerous for them to continue receiving postal deliveries. The lane has been deemed to be far too hazardous for posties to walk on. The poor dears must have limbs as brittle as a gazelle and they simply can’t risk walking on the lane in case they fall over. Oddly enough, courier drivers, fruit-and-veg deliverers and electricity meter readers can all manage the lane… it’s hardly Pony Express territory.

Resident Sally Bellamy was told by her regular postman that he could not cross the cobbles for ‘health and safety reasons’ and now the local Royal Mail managers have backed him up and all the post is being delivered to one home at the bottom of the road.

I particularly like the weasel words from the postal authorities: ‘We are in contact with residents and continue to seek a solution with them.’

God knows how we ever managed to run an empire and win two world wars!


  1. If the postal service was there to collect money, it would be no problem (I can not see the meter mens employers using that line ;)

    We need to get these damn 'elfs under control ;)

    Goddess help us with these crazy time wasting excuses that are in all reality OXYGEN thieves ;)

    OMG wait a minute I am a 'elf and safety rep for my company (as the only person I had to nominate and then vote for myself ;)


    Kat from Perth.

  2. Now if it was America, the next step would be for the residents to sue the council for having unsafe cobbles as the only access to their property.

    And then some twat will heritage list the cobbles, and then they can all sue each other til the cow's come home .. (in some nice safe lorry)

  3. The cobbles are already in a conservation area so they can't be removed.

  4. Actually Geekgirl, in Tasmania the electricity meter people are now refusing to read anyone's meter that has a dog on the property. It doesn't matter if it's a chihuahua or a great dane either. Instead, they just 'estimate' the electricity use (usually they manage to estimate quite a lot over the actual usage), or demand that the owners stay home over 4 business days (they can only give people an estimate over a FOUR DAY PERIOD of when they'll turn up). I can't believe we pay these people!

  5. Afternoon all!

    Well large parts of Edinburgh are cobbled and they seem to run buses and get their post etc delivered - perhaps we should alert the Elf that safety is being compromised - something should be done and quick!

    Happy Prawn Friday!
    Cats' Mother

  6. James May for PM5 February 2010 at 12:30

    Hi XTM
    Please check this link. It refers to hospital food.
    Please note that the trust have just awarded a contract in excess of £5 million for catering!!

  7. James May for PM5 February 2010 at 12:31

    Woops forgot the link!!

  8. I'm damn glad we emigrated. Did a bit of meter reading and you could negotiate a lane like that with a couple of Rotweilers hanging off your arse.

  9. Geek Girl P/L
    Perth WA

    From Dept OH&S

    Dear Ms GG,
    Further to our recent blitz on Elfin Safety we remind you of the following.
    As an employer ( of yourself ) you are required to provide a safe workplace environment as dictated by the Act, hereinafter referred to as the Act, in accordance with gazetted regulation 9,000.001, subsection four.
    This requires a written risk assessment for each piece of equipment and includes items and areas utilised for staff comfort. eg Ergonomic seating, air quality and light, which must be of a certain standard. Under the legislation we suggest that these areas be checked and certified by a licensed surveyor ( who has paid us an enormous sum for the licence )as they are the only ones able to afford the huge public liability claims if they get it wrong and it would be unjust if they were unable to recover the monies by charging a small fee for this basic service.
    As far as the machinery and equipment is concerned the licensee will prepare a written report illustrating the consequences of utilising various pieces of equipment such as keyboards, concrete mixers, guillotines and knifes, and offer written choices to make them safe to use. In the case of knifes and scissors they would probably point out that these should not be used at all as they are sharp and may cut something. Similarly,strains from sitting and the use of keyboards can result in repetitive strain injuries and possible Work-cover claims.
    This shift in our policy means that our entire division is no longer required to carry out inspections of facilities and allows us to sit in our central office and do bugger all with the exception of arranging to sue the pants off any employer or licensed OH&S practitioner if a claim eventuates.
    Welcome to the regulations, OZ style.

    Yours etc
    Juan Kerr, Delegate