Finger on the pulse

A report commissioned by the UK’s Food Standards Agency is advocating a massive shift in our eating and cooking habits in order to combat climate change. The report was produced by a team at the University of East Anglia, the same institution that was recently at the heart of a row over possible manipulation of dodgy climate data used in a report about global warming.

The academics at the university want the UK population to move to a vegetarian diet, or a least a diet that’s very low in meat, cheese and sugary foods. They'd also like to see us drinking less tea, coffee and cocoa. They say our diets should, in future, be made up largely of vegetables, pulses and yoghurt. The report also says we need to change the way we cook our food, making better use of microwaves and pressure cookers so that we cut down on the energy used in cooking.

The report says schools and hospitals should lead the way and set a good example serving lentils, carrots and other yummy and appetising foods such as turnips and natural yoghurt. Naturally, the Food Standards agency is endorsing this silly report, probably because it’s staffed by the same swivel-eyed zealots who appear to at the helm of virtually every quango or public body in the country.

I suppose it was only a matter of time before the puritans who infest every crevice of public life got round to imposing compulsory vegetarianism. Now that they’ve banned smoking and are getting their miserable claws into alcohol consumption, meat was bound to be next on their miserable agenda.

These humourless cretins won’t be happy until we’re living in cold stone huts living off rations of tofu and rainwater. I can’t wait until they’ve created that particular paradise here in Britain. Needless to say I’ll be on the last boat out to somewhere altogether more tolerant and happier… Afghanistan, perhaps?