Finger on the pulse

A report commissioned by the UK’s Food Standards Agency is advocating a massive shift in our eating and cooking habits in order to combat climate change. The report was produced by a team at the University of East Anglia, the same institution that was recently at the heart of a row over possible manipulation of dodgy climate data used in a report about global warming.

The academics at the university want the UK population to move to a vegetarian diet, or a least a diet that’s very low in meat, cheese and sugary foods. They'd also like to see us drinking less tea, coffee and cocoa. They say our diets should, in future, be made up largely of vegetables, pulses and yoghurt. The report also says we need to change the way we cook our food, making better use of microwaves and pressure cookers so that we cut down on the energy used in cooking.

The report says schools and hospitals should lead the way and set a good example serving lentils, carrots and other yummy and appetising foods such as turnips and natural yoghurt. Naturally, the Food Standards agency is endorsing this silly report, probably because it’s staffed by the same swivel-eyed zealots who appear to at the helm of virtually every quango or public body in the country.

I suppose it was only a matter of time before the puritans who infest every crevice of public life got round to imposing compulsory vegetarianism. Now that they’ve banned smoking and are getting their miserable claws into alcohol consumption, meat was bound to be next on their miserable agenda.

These humourless cretins won’t be happy until we’re living in cold stone huts living off rations of tofu and rainwater. I can’t wait until they’ve created that particular paradise here in Britain. Needless to say I’ll be on the last boat out to somewhere altogether more tolerant and happier… Afghanistan, perhaps?

Totally quackers

A young mum who took her two young sons to feed the ducks in her local park in Hailsham, East Sussex has fallen foul of the local pond warden. Lisa was told off by the functionary who criticised the bread Lisa was feeding to the ducks. It turns out that the bread being thrown for the mallards to munch was white sliced bread. It seems that, these days, white sliced bread is about as hazardous as dining on fresh asbestos, especially if you read The Guardian. The park warden suggested that if Ms Taplin wanted to come back and feed the ducks again then she should be sure to bring granary or wholemeal bread for the birds next time. The warden also added that feeding ducks white bread was as bad as feeding children chips every day. Unfortunately, the jobsworth didn't say whether the granary or wholemeal bread should be organic or Fairtrade.

More Minho

More Portugal goodness

Another gratuitous shot from my recent stay in northern Portugal

Don't come out!

I noticed the other evening while watching the tv news that a large Sodexo truck was parked up next to the giant drilling rig being used to make an escape tunnel for the 33 miners trapped underground in Chile. For those who may not know, Sodexo is a massive corporation that has its tentacles in so many pies around the world, mostly supplying catering on behalf of governments to schools and hospitals. The company is an enthusiastic supporter of the Private Finance Initiative scheme run by the NHS and supplies many of the disgusting meals eaten in hospitals in the UK. Having tasted the stuff they produce I would advise the miners to stay put until the Sodexo truck leaves the rescue site. On the other hand, it occurs to me that Sodexo may be producing the meals being sent down to the miners. What a dreadful thought. Have they not suffered enough?

More photos from Portugal

Here's the view from the house I was staying in. Unfortunately, one week later it was raining like a monsoon and the roof was leaking. My clothes were damp, my money was damp, my book was damp... unbelievable humidity.

Here's a shot of one of the many granaries that can be seen all over northern Portugal. For some reason I have an unhealthy obsession with these espiguieros. Not sure what it is about these strange buildings but they are used to store corn and other foodstuffs through the winter. The strange platforms at the top of the stilts are there to stop rats and mice gaining entry to a free feast. Obviously, putting hospital food in the granaries would be another effective way of discouraging hungry rodents.

Hello

Hello everyone...

Just returned from my first holiday in two years. It was challenging getting through airport security and thank goodness for wheelchairs, but we managed it and spent two very lazy weeks doing very little. I'll try to write a bit more later but here's a photo that gives a flavour of my rural destination.