Monday, 1 March 2010

Expanding north of the border

A propensity to scoff deep-fried Mars Bars and battered pizzas appears to be taking its toll on the collective Scottish waistline. According to the Scottish Executive, a massive 40% of Scots will be obese by the year 2030. The growing problem will cost £3 billion per year to slim down, according to the SNP party, which is currently ruling Scotland under the heavyweight leadership of the lithe and lissom Alex Salmond.

So serious is this weighty problem that the Scottish Executive has vowed to intervene and use legislation to forcibly reduce restaurant portions if chefs don’t agree to voluntarily cut down on the amount of food that’s being piled on to diners’ plates. That’s right… politicians are actually thinking of restricting portion sizes by statute. Presumably people will just have to order two of everything if they want to carry on gaining weight or else take a friend with them who will order the extra portion and then pass it on to them.

In order to enforce the law, I imagine that waiters will have to start snooping on their customers to see if any of them is stealing food from their neighbours’ plates. Won’t dining out be fun? I can imagine a whole new frisson of excitement being introduced to a night out north of the border. “Quick! Taste this before the waiter comes back from the kitchen!”

Other helpful advice coming courtesy of the interfering Scottish legislators includes advice for Scots to walk upstairs instead of using a lift. There’s also the vacuous suggestion that people should vigorously vacuum their carpets or jig around to some lively music before popping out for a jog or some other more ‘strenuous’ activity.

There’s something touchingly na├»ve about politicians, isn’t there? Don’t you just love the way they think that they can sort the world right by banning a few things and introducing a new law? They don’t really get humans, do they?


  1. Ah, come on. How could you *expect* politicians to understand humans?? Chalk and cheese...

    Your counter is making me feel like a failed football team, by the way. Germany 1 whenever I'm here - always losing to all the other countries!!

  2. I wouldn't mind, but the said law makers do not set a good example of healthy living and BMI themselves!!!!!

  3. What is happening over there with Maccas?
    Today in Oz and NZ they've just done deal with Weight Watchers! A calorie counted burger and extras with saturated advertising as well as fat. They reckon 75% of the populace here in OZ are obese so thats a big help. Not.Coronary with that, Sir?


  4. I have to say that, coming from SE England, I have seen portion sizes which I would consider huge, especially in East Anglia. Perhaps doggie bags could be introduced? Or a choice of portions so you can have starter and then a small main course?

    Off to marinade my chicken in honey and garlic now, to be served with baby potatoes later.


  5. As a Scot, I have two comments to make.

    1) We don't tend to batter pizzas before deep frying them - when you think about it, putting batter on them would make them healthier. Without batter they are able to soak up the oil like a sponge whilst cooking.

    2) After 'supersize' fries were banned we just started ordering two meals at McDonalds - this means we not only get more fries but an extra big mac too!

  6. Phil:

    1) Shame! I'm sure the pepperoni and mozzarella would taste so much better when battered. Not sure about the tomatoes though. Use ketchup instead.

    2) Wow, how ingenious. Wish I'd thought of that. It also means you're not hungry again after one hour and you don't have to hit the kebab shop before coming home.

    Off to vigourously vacuum my carpet now...